Tonight’s trivia in Belmont ran like a beautiful game of baseball. Crotches were grabbed and adjusted for comfort, seeds were spat, officials were irately argued with, and some asshole took a piece of memorabilia from a child. Here’s how it all went down.
Our winning team, SMARTY PINTS, batted 1000 tonight, playing like a team with Magic Johnson’s money and Barry Bonds’ medicine bag. All of that got ‘em tonight’s high score of 23.
TRIPLE VODKA SODA found themselves suspiciously in second. What I mean is, with today’s easy access to sports betting, their score of 22 was a little toooooo convenient. Seemed like they could’ve gotten first if they wanted to, if you follow the way I’m drifting.
Weirdly enough, I don’t feel that way about our third place team ANTEATERS, who I believe scored an honest 21 points, because nobody tries for third. It just happens.
The rest of tonight’s slate of teams were confined to the dugouts, thought they all did a fine job under the very entertaining and relaxing circumstances set by my show.
